I was reminded this morning of some of the crazy things people have said to me and about me on the internet. They are ridiculous, all of them, because 99.5% of these people did not actually know me in real life (IRL). They were 2D people I met through various websites, but mainly through one we used to own that shall be referred to as AB.com. AB.com was a site that attracted a lot of…interesting…people. Many were musicians, fond of the singer/songwriter genre of the 70s, a few hippies, and a bunch of people I will lump together as “the religious group” because there were several denominations represented, a couple of them fanatical. They were sensitive, poetic, thoughtful, funny, charming, clever, and for the most part anonymous.
One aspect of the internet is that people are able to hide behind a screen name while they make comments in text they would never say out loud to someone’s face. While certainly some of us represent ourselves as who we are IRL, others take the condition of anonymity as license to be cruel.
One of the people I met through AB.com but later met IRL was Cat. She is a clever, witty and genuinely kind person with a bit of a wicked sense of humor. She specialized in 50 cent words that her detractors didn’t quite know the meaning of without the assistance of a dictionary and thesaurus. You know I found that hilarious. So, there was a flame war (series of posts escalating in the intensity of the insults) going on the public message board and through the private messages. At some point, someone started addressing Cat as Anita. I didn’t pay much attention to that. The slings and arrows went back and forth until finally one of the women contacted the admins, complaining that Anita was being mean to them. Wah wah wah. We told them to just ignore her because frankly, the fun for Anita was inciting their frustrations.
So, shortly thereafter, there was a post on the public board, calling her out, calling her names, calling her Anita, over and over, ending the post with “We know who you are, Anita!” The sublime hilarity of the whole thing only became obvious when we realized that Cat had listed her name in her profile as Anita Mann. Say it out loud, you’ll get it.
Another time, a woman who is certifiably crazy developed some vendetta against me. She trolled the internet trying to smear my good online name and all around make life terrible for me. I’ll call this lady Detta. So, Detta found out that I have other websites that I visit, maintain and/or own. After Detta had called me anti-Christian, hateful, insulted my character many times over, and called me fat, she went to one of my other sites and created a profile called “MarthasHater.” It wasn’t called exactly that, I’m just protecting the innocent. MarthasHater then went on to try to slander me some more, and shortly thereafter I deleted her from both websites. I loved the fact that at this particular website, she got no sympathy from the members. They ROFL’d right in her face and may have even LMAO’d.
Detta actually had the temerity to email me demanding to be reinstated because she was sorry. Awww, she was sorry. How touching. I didn’t reinstate her. I also deleted the numerous other accounts she created after that trying to get herself back onto the site. It became ridiculous and I just quit communicating with her. About three weeks later she apologized again and begged to be allowed back onto the site. You can imagine, I didn’t bother to reply. Besides, I wasn’t even fat back then.
Once I got a death threat. After about five minutes of being seriously scared, I realized it was the ranting of someone seriously disturbed in the head. You see, the threat was over a website tantrum. It was basically “if you don’t get rid of so-and-so, I’m going to hire someone to come out there and kill you!” Once I stopped seeing red, for I did not like demands over petty website disagreements, I remembered other incidents with this person and I knew she was unbalanced in the head. The next day, she ah, “clarified” her statements to suggest she was only kidding. Yeah, and I’m Michelle Obama.
That’s it for today’s installment of “crazy things people have said to me on the internet.” Check back soon for “the time we absolutely could not laugh at the bad singing,” and “the FBI is monitoring us.”