Top 5 Passive Injuries

What is a passive injury, you ask? A passive injury is when someone is doing something relatively benign, like sitting still, and manages to injure themselves somehow. The list below is compiled from real injuries to real people I know. Their names have been excluded, but you might be able to guess some of them. All these injuries are real, as are the explanations of how they occurred.

5. Injured neck cutting vegetables. Recently, Ms KP shared that she needed to see the chiropractor for a neck injury. Upon further explanation, it was discovered that while she was cutting some vegetables for dinner, the carrots and celery jumped off the cutting board and karate chopped her, in a bid to escape the stew pot.

4. Wrenched hip watching TV. Mr MK was watching an exciting game of basketball on TV. He stood up to get a drink from the kitchen and as he did so, wrenched his hip and was forced to sit down and complete the game without a beer. His wife simply laughed at him.

3. Pulled shoulder muscle turning off the shower. Mr JG was giving his toddler daughter a bath. Upon hearing it was time to get out, she used a Jedi mind trick on him causing him to levitate away from the bathroom at a rapid rate of speed. However, he had already reached for the faucet to turn off the water, and his extended arm was sucked behind him as he accelerated out of the room, causing his shoulder muscles to contort in an uncomfortable manner.

2. Broken rib while feeding the cat. Ms DM had a special treat for her kitty cat, Mr Jingles. Unfortunately, Mr Jingles was none too excited about the catnip scented wheatgrass she had just placed in his bowl. While she was still leaning down, he tripped her by winding his body around her legs, causing her to stumble into the counter top, fracturing her rib.

1. Pulled muscle while sleeping. This one surely takes the cake. Mr JG again. As he was sleeping, he was dreaming of playing tennis. An involuntary muscle spasm caused by increased adrenaline, brought on by the excitement of the dream, caused him to swing at the oncoming ball. His arm moved swiftly, but since he was lying in bed he did not have a full range of motion and the impairment of his swing caused him to pull a muscle in his arm.

Bonus. Back thrown out while brushing teeth. Ms MBM was brushing her teeth during her 5 day mission on the ISS, because of course, she is dedicated to good dental hygiene after all. A small meteor hit the ISS and startled her, causing her to jerk involuntarily. Upon her return to Earth, Mission Control debriefed her while she was in traction for the injury.

Stay safe out there, America!

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One thought on “Top 5 Passive Injuries

  1. Love these! I’m sure I’ve done something equally as exciting at some point in my life like falling up the stairs one time. My shins were scrapped up for a week. Don’t remember how it happened but it was a painful result. Lived in Newport at the time.

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