Am I the only one to notice the parallels in the lives of these two celebrities? Let’s quickly compare Elvis Presley and Steven Seagal. Here we go.

Cheesy movies

Everybody clambake!

Just blow up everything

I don’t think I really need to point out the obvious here. If Elvis had lived, his movies would be going direct to DVD as Seagal’s are now. Every ridiculous premise possible, covered by these two alone. They both are unfortunately bad actors.

Musicians

Love me tender

I got the hair plug blues

Granted, Elvis was a known singer before he became a movie star, and was always known as a singer first, but you gotta give Seagal credit for becoming a blues musician in his maturity.

Martial Arts

Kee yah!

There are surprisingly few images of Seagal actually performing marital arts online

Elvis was a 7th degree black belt in Kenpo karate. Seagal is a 7th degree dan black belt in Aikido.

Fake law enforcement status

Elvis and Nixon. My brain is exploding.

Seagal is an honorary reserve deputy sherif

Elvis was fascinated with police badges and collected them. He wrote to former PotUS Nixon suggesting he be made an “officer at large” for the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs – predecessor to the DEA – in a gesture of incredible irony. During his visit to present Nixon with a gun and receive his badge, he and Nixon posed for the now infamous photo above.

Seagal claims to have been a police officer for twenty years in the intro to his cheese-ball reality TV show “Steven Seagal: Lawman.” In reality, he is an honorary chief and reserve officer who has never even been to the police academy or received any accredited training by law enforcement. So, basically, not a cop in any definition of the word.

I think they are both equally effective at fighting crime. Which is to say, not at all.