The toddler time warp

There’s an interesting phenomenon that is affecting our family, let’s call it “the toddler time warp.” It describes the way time seems to bend and warp, speeding up and slowing down, just to screw with Mom & Dad’s brains! I feel like I’m on an episode of Star Trek New Generation. Any minute Captain Picard is going to come out and tell me to “make it so” but I’m not going to know what to make so because my brain is so confused. It seems like full weeks pass in a matter of moments. Is it last week or is it next week??? Should I adjust the hull plating to withstand the next attack or simply clean up the living room…decisions, decisions. It’s affect on adults is significant, as you can see. (Today I forgot to put on any makeup before going to work. Yikes!) One day, I’m posting about Melody’s vocabulary, the next I’m working on scheduling her 15-month check up. Wait, her 15-month check up you say? Isn’t she just 14 months old? Oh, yeah, that’s right, last week (month) I was posting about her impressive vocabulary and the rest of the month she spent saying “car” at any given moment of the day or night! Here’s another example. Melody has been teething, working on not just her last 1-year molar, but also her four canines! Needless to say, she’s been waking up in the middle of the night in some mild discomfort. It feels like this has been going on forever when in fact it’s only been about 6 days. I remember the last night I slept all night long with great fondness. And then I realize, it was not last weekend but the weekend before. Seems like ages!

Yes, the toddler time warp can really mess with your mind, but would we have it any other way? Seriously, when I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to reach my next birthday and be older. Now that I am in fact older (and supposedly wiser) I like to fantasize that the toddler time warp will take me back to my 30th birthday instead of forward to my next one that shall remain unnamed, lol. Having a child definitely makes you feel young and old at the same time. You realize that rolling around on the floor tickling each other is great fun and better entertainment than any TV show or movie ever made, and then you realize the aches and pains of rolling around on the floor after tickling each other require that you take some Advil. Now.

Auntie Kat sent me a great email about being a mother, of which I’ll post part here. It is definitely for mothers, but also for dads. Enjoy and an early Happy Mother’s Day!

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you’ve had a baby…. somebody doesn’t know that once you’re a mother, ‘normal’ is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct … somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring ….somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver’s permit.

Somebody said if you’re a ‘good’ mother, your child will ‘turn out good’….somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said you don’t need an education to be a mother…. somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can’t love the second child as much as you love the first …. somebody doesn’t have two children.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery….somebody never watched her ‘baby’ get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten ….or on a plane headed for military ‘boot camp.’

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married….somebody doesn’t know that marriage adds a new son- or daughter-in-law to a mother’s heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother’s job is done when her last child leaves home….somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don’t need to tell her…. somebody isn’t a mother.


4 thoughts on “The toddler time warp

  1. Time Warps work on Aunties too. Happy Mother’s Day Mom (Martha)& and Mom, Gramma, & Grandma Marie. Sigh, sniff, anyone got a tissue?

  2. Great post! I especially loved (and agreed with) having a child makes you feel old and young at the same time.
    I’m sorry you’re not getting sleep again! I can’t imagine how tough that must be (hugs).
    I’ve always loved that snippet Kathy sent you…

  3. Here’s a funny sent to me by my Mommy.

    “You think time is passing quickly – yes it is. But get this. Yesterday at a pot luck the man across the table from me was moaning about how time has passed by so quickly. He and his son were having a discussion about Yankee Stadium, which is going to be rebuilt or refurbished – can’t remember which. Well said the Dad – why would they be doing that, they just got done redoing it a little while ago. The son said – Dad that was 30 years ago! Where had the time gone?”

    Now I don’t feel like I’ve lost track of time quite as badly as I thought! :-)

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